This is pretty great.

Being sick is no fun. The worst part of it the past few days has been difficulty getting good sleep. It's almost as though I'm not truly sick until I happen to be in a horizontal position. And then my body remembers, oh yeah, I'm sick, none of this sleeping business.

But even now, faced with the prospect of an early morning tomorrow, tired, and yet unable to sleep... I'm very clear on the fact that in certain fundamental ways, I am the happiest I've ever been.

Some things have settled. I feel ever more confident in my ability to navigate the natural ups and down of my life and my own thoughts and emotions. Some things are just... quieter.

And some things have woken up. I have entered a period of voracious curiosity, where there simply is not enough time in the day to read all of the news articles, blog posts, and nonfiction books on my ever-expanding list, not enough time to capture all the thoughts and questions and comments flowering out in response to what I come in contact with. I'm more connected to the world. For the first time in my life, I'm consistently on top of current events, I have some sense of awareness of my place in the larger world and within history. And part of that awareness is a new intensity of focus on how I want to contribute, what particular areas I'm curious about truly understanding.

I used to avoid dealing with politics and other worldly topics in part because I got frustrated with the ways in which everyone seemed to oversimplify these topics. There didn't even seem to be a basic mode of discussing politics that got at the heart of things, that sought real solutions that embraced all the complex pieces instead of just oversimplifying and pointing fingers. I felt like it would take more energy than I had to even be truly educated on one topic, so in some sense, why bother. But I also knew this would change, I also felt that I was trying to get my own house in order and that one day I would be more responsible in connecting with the world around me.

So perhaps that day has come? And it makes sense. In many ways, my own house IS in order in ways it hasn't been in the past. There are certain sorts of stability, confidence, and clarity that were not always there.

But I also think it is a matter of external circumstance. My discovery of design thinking really blew me away in terms of realizing there are others out there wanting to engage in the sort of way I have always longed for. There are other people actively advocating that we deal with complexity and real human needs in the business world. And in finding what amounts to a sort of community, I suddenly realize how lonely I must have felt all this time.

This just now occurred to me as I'm writing. And it seems right. In a way, I have always been rather lonely on an intellectual level. It can't have been so bad if I did not identify it as such at the time. But looking back now, it seems rather as though I was able to get excited about pieces of things along the way, but felt on some level like they didn't truly belong to a larger puzzle. All of the things I have cared about on a professional or outward goals sort of level are things that still matter to me, but now I see them as smaller aspects of this larger picture, and I see that there are others who are working to engage with that entire picture. In fact, I see that sort of thinking infiltrating the business world at large. And with that reassurance I suddenly seem to have the confidence to forge ahead and make my own connections too.