12:42pm on a Saturday

It’s been a while, but it’s a familiar feeling. Coming home from Shambhala Center on a Saturday afternoon, leaving the stereo off, and settling into the most mundane of tasks. There is something about choosing to be silent, choosing not to listen to music or engage in other minor distractions, that I find... sharp? purifying? strangely difficult? Words elude me, but that's largely the point.

Each keystroke on my laptop stands out as a significant sound, filling up the space around me, and each associated movement of a finger becomes intensely intentional. As each moment ticks past, I have to decide over and over again not to turn the radio on, not to turn on a video game, not to at least ramp myself up to a state of frenzied productivity. But eventually it dulls, whether because I intentionally give in to distraction or just settle into things enough that they cease to be so sharp and the distraction comes upon me unaware. Either way, it can't last forever.

Writing a blog post probably won't prolong it any. Then again, it might. My goal in starting a blog is not only to acquaint myself with this form of communication, and to offer friends and family a look at what's on my mind if they're so motivated to seek it out, but to cultivate a space for mindful reflection. I think we all know that I'm plenty good at reflecting, analyzing, even over-thinking. But I'm learning to put these skills to good use in a more relaxed, productive kind of way. I hope that making something technically "public", even if I ask that no one share this link, will remind me to keep a somewhat more meaningful or productive view. Hopefully no complaining or venting for the sake of it, no obsessing or clinging to how I'd like things to be, or trying to force them in that direction. Perhaps just a chance to reflect on that which is, and question what it means to live skillfully. Perhaps. I can't make any promises. :)