I unplugged the converter box and laptop (for netflix instant) from my television and hid all the pieces in various closests last weekend. I've made the commitment to give up my number one crutch, my method of avoiding life and giving in to the feeling of exhaustion that so often accompanies my arrival home. The first week wasn't too hard, but today is testing my resolve.
It seems like as long as I manage not to give in, just being in this space without my standard avoidance mechanism brings me a particular brand of mindfulness. After all, I'm not really sure what to DO with myself... Initially I feel strangely limited, like there aren't any other options now that I've given up television. But even when I just sit there like an idiot, trying to figure out what else I can manage to do given the aching and exhaustion of my physical body, I'm THERE. It's hard to get past the fact that I'm here, with choices to make, with a physical body and a mind.
From the physical standpoint, this probably is a fairly powerful practice simply to be present with the pain, without trying to change it, without freaking out and telling myself my entire life will be defined by the unpleasant realities of my condition. I find myself asking to what extent the discomfort actually stops me from making a real dinner or vacuuming the living room. And I guess that's the important piece I so often remind myself of (because I'm surprisingly good at forgetting about it): curiosity. I am beginning to explore what it means to really be present in my body, even when I don't like how it feels. And in so doing, I'm opening up to a place that is more spacious mentally as well - even if just the smallest bit.
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